Thread: Me and Lois had sex, and it was NOT fantastic.

Ummm how do I put this people? It's a long tale and in many ways a disgusting story. Lois and I are no longer an item. Summer fling is officially over. Done. Completed. The horrors that happened to me this weekend are more than I will probably ever be able to recover from and far worse than anything I have ever seen in the porno movies, 2 girls 1 cup, name it. For me, IT WAS JUST THAT FUCKING BAD!!!

Where do I start. Saturday night we are hanging out at the bar and she's playing with my cock under the booth table. I'm getting excited and know it's way too busy to pull it out now or go in the back alley. She lives like 20+ minutes away, and I live 5 blocks away. Okay. Fuck it. Let's bring her to my place. We leave the bar and she is super excited. Afterall like in my previous thread we had planned to make sweet love days before but scheduling (she had her kids) prevented such a rendevous. We walk back to my place because we were both too drunk to drive. Get into my apartment, I turn some music on and we start to fool around. I let her open up my pants, stroke my cock, suck on it, all the good stuff. She works my salami like a manager at a chineese sweat shop. Long and hard. I'm diggin' this and assuming I'll blow my load and we'll be done. She keeps stopping and grabbing me really hard, like 2-3 times. They she said to me "Are you ready". Let me tell you something. I would have preferred it being the Mindfreak Chris Angel saying this to me on my couch if I had known better.

I say "Yeah I'm ready, strip down babe and let me pleasure you like you've never been pleasured before". Bold statement yeah, it was the moment. I was ready to go. go. go. So she starts to undress and I'm realizing this is the first time I'm seeing her totally naked. It's a lot worse than anticipated. She had leopard print bra and THONG on and was bending over showing me her pussy and all kinds of stuff I would much rather pay to see at a strip club. She was smart and kept working my cock so I didn't lose interest.

My view from behind looked just about like this picture except she's blonde and probably 40 lbs heavier than this girl in the picture.



At this point I'm starting to feel like a victim. She takes off her undewear and I notice it kinda smells. Like shit. It was a hot day and I think she had a case of swampass. Actually I don't think it. I KNOW IT. I found out the hard way when I started to go down on her and I was overtaken by this incredible odor of shit. I felt like Bob Sagat in Dumb & Dumberer when he's yelling about SHIT being everywhere at the end of the movie. This was turning into a horror show. I am very brief and get up with the smell of crap all in my apartment from her throwing her thong right in front of the A/C unit.

Okay we're past that. I'm fucking her like I'm about to go over the Niagara Falls in a barrell. She's moaning and making all kinds of racket. I almost felt bad for her like she probably hasn't had any since Bill Clinton was in office. Keep on going, keep on going. And then she asks me the most horrible question that could have possibly been asked of me.

"Fuck me in the ass babe."

The short answer. NO. Not a fucking chance in hell I was about to do that. Instead I just kept pumping for a moment to get myself ready and she could feel my cock getting harder and harder like it was about to explode. I pulled out fast ripped off the condom and shot my juices all over her big fat cottage cheese ass and back since she was doggiestyle at the time. She seemed upset. She asked me what happened and I told her I don't do asswork. She said it was her favorite and only fair for me to do it. Again I told her no. She kept harping on this for like 5-10 minutes asking why not so I finally just said fuck it I don't every want to see her again so I yelled at the top of my lungs from outside my front door where I was standing in a bathrobe smoking a cigarette,

"YOUR ASS HAS SHIT ON IT YOU FUCKING DIRTY COW. YOUR THONG HAS SHIT ON IT. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!!!!!!!"

As you can imagine, that pretty much ended the relationship / summer fling. She finished getting dressed and was saying what a jerk I am and how I should never call her back and all this other jazz. Did she really think in her brain for even a moment I would call her back after that experience? At least he has self-esteem. The odds of me calling her back are slim to none. No actually, they are NONE!

I got 1 text message on Sunday saying what an asshole I am.

I texted back "At least I'm a clean one" and then blocked her # on the phone.

That's my story of shame for you sick demented people. Sorry it didn't have a happy ending or anything like that but it is what it is. Maybe the next one won't be as dirty. She rewrote the meaning of the phrase Dirty Girl. Literally.

LOL Jesus Gerbil you really pick them. There has to be a point when you just STOP THE INSANITY and get your head checked maybe you bumped it too hard? To even consider continuing after the initial meeting of the stool is both outstanding and disgusting of you. You really are a dirty little gerbil.

Please keep the blatant vulgarity down in the posts, I don't mind the stories but try to write them in a more clean erotic style like a Playboy magazine opposed to the sleezy Hustler style. Thanks man.

OH MY GOD GERBIL

Horrible s0n. horrible. I feel for ya man and you gotta get yourself outta dis mess and into something normal. Its like you can take da Gerbil out of the carnival, but you can't take da carnival outta da Gerbil!!! A piece of me just died reading this. Think its called a retina.

Originally Posted by Graffixart

As steve put it, you are a dirty little gerbil.
As gross and awful as that story is, I always look forward to your stories. That is just hysterical man, seriously where do you find these people? LOL
Sorry about the bad experience but that story was very entertaining....

Same here. This was funny but sad at the same time. This entire tale has been going on for like a month now and we have seen him go from a happy Gerbil in a back alley, to a disgusted dirty Gerbil covered in a large womans poop. I mean really, this guy is a mess to even be in this position. I can't even imagine how messy (pun intended) that situation must have been... LOL!!!

Originally Posted by mcSnap

Its like you can take da Gerbil out of the carnival, but you can't take da carnival outta da Gerbil!!!

HAHAHAHHAAH OMG that was the best ending possible. Gerbil make this your SIG pronto!!

I don't know why I'm going to do this but....

..: YOUR GETTING FRONT PAGED GERBIL :..

wow dude // wow// 5 star rating for no other reason than i feel bad you had to look at something WORSE than the posted pic// and that doody was involved// i thought you met this one in a bar not at the carnival//